Well•come, kin. Pause, and take a deep, calming breath with me. In… and out… As you breathe, remind yourself of your innate wisdom and wholeness. With each breath—be here. Fully present, as we embark on this journey together.

LaShaun Certified behavior analyst, founding former Director of The University of South Florida’s (USF) Wellness Resource Center, Founder of GLOW Women’s Gathering with credentials in Neuroscience for Business from MIT Sloan.

​

​

Forgiveness is powerful. It can heal old wounds, free us from burdens, and even improve our mental and physical health. It’s both self-centric and benevolent at the same time.
​

But let’s be honest, forgiveness isn’t necessarily easy. We’ve all been hurt by someone at some point in our lives. Maybe it was a friend who betrayed us, a family member who caused pain, or even a situation that left us feeling unseen, unheard, harmed, and wounded.
​
Holding onto those hurts can feel justified, even necessary. Forgiveness is a complex.​
​It’s not light work, but it is lightwork. ​
​
It’s a dance between our emotions, our sense of justice, and our desire for peace. It’s about recognizing that life is messy and unpredictable, requiring empathy and compassion.
​
I’m so sorry for every hard thing you’ve endured, every mean gesture, and anything that has caused you pain. Your experiences and feelings are valid, and it’s important to acknowledge them. I hope this message helps you find the strength to forgive, heal, and move forward with peace—on your terms in your timing.
​
Forgiveness can be both inward, directed at ourselves for past mistakes, and outward, directed at those who have hurt us. About a decade ago, I was studying forgiveness for a project and decided to share some tools with my children. We sat around the table, each taking turns to forgive ourselves, their siblings, and even me for past mistakes.
​
“I forgive myself for…
Sibling, I forgive you for…
Mommy, I forgive you for…”
​
It was a profound moment and one of the most healing experiences I’ve ever had as a family and parent. The practice of forgiveness brought us closer and brought a sense of peace that lingered long after.
​
This was one important and healing moment for us. I’ve also learned that forgiveness is a long-term, ever-evolving process. It’s about slowly repairing broken trust and mending the wounds in our hearts and relationships.

Here are some myths about forgiveness that I want to dispel:

• Myth: Forgiveness means forgetting what happened.
• Reality: Forgiveness doesn’t erase the past. It allows you to move forward without being weighed down by negativity. It’s important to remember that forgiveness shouldn’t be used to avoid accountability. True forgiveness doesn’t erase the need for consequences or justice.
• Myth: Forgiveness means condoning the other person’s behavior.
• Reality: Forgiveness is not about saying what happened was okay. It’s about acknowledging the hurt and choosing to move on.
• Myth: Forgiveness requires reconciliation with the other person.
• Reality: Forgiveness and reconciliation are two very different. Sometimes reconciliation isn’t possible or even desirable. Forgiveness is an internal process, independent of the other person’s actions.

I know some stuff has gone down in your life: Hurts, deep wounds, harmful situations, meanness. Apologies you’ve never received (and possibly never will).​
​​
​The path to forgiveness may require letting go of things that feel important to us: like anger, indignation, the desire for revenge or retaliation, or an attachment to what feels like justifiable “rightness”. Holding onto these burdens can be a heavy ​
​​bag.
​

Photo Credit: Mahaba Nabil

​

Dr. Fred Luskin, the director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project, has completed extensive research on the training and measurement of forgiveness therapy.
​
His research demonstrates that learning forgiveness leads to increased physical vitality, hope, greater self–efficacy, enhanced optimism, and conflict resolution skills. It also shows that forgiveness lessens the physical and emotional toll of stress, and decreases hurt, anger depression, and blood pressure.

Forgiveness is a visceral and intimate process, a journey of the heart with no set map.

Many experts have created tools to guide you on your own emotional exploration.
​

Are you willing to dive in; forgiving everyone that has hurt you, including yourself? ​
​
If you’re ready to release any thoughts related to past transgressions you can do this by using the doing a loving-kindness meditation as one tool.
Using a sheet of paper, turn it over on the back side and make a physical list of every single thing that has been done to you that you can’t forgive. Things that you are holding onto and incidents that have played on your mind for years.
​

It can be big or small, specific or general.
​

Write down an event for which you wish to seek forgiveness from yourself. Recall areas in your life where bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness reside.
​

Here are some examples to get you started:

• You failed in something significant
• Past mistakes and errors in judgment
• Guilt, shame and remorse that may weigh you down
• Mean acts that hurt another or made someone cry
• Past debts and negative decisions
• Self-destructive behaviors
• You cheated on something or someone
• You thought unloving thoughts about yourself or compromised your values

Think about your life chronologically and work your way through any traumatic events, childhood hurts, mistakes made by your family, and embarrassments that still create a negative charge for you.
​
Start with your parents—that will get your juices flowing ♡ ´·ᴗ· `♡

Just write down “When XXXX did this….” or “The time when…”. Simply recall the event, extensive writing is not necessary.

Once you’ve written down everything obvious, think about:

• Relationship problems you’ve ever had
• Criticisms that made you feel bad or made you cry
• Embarrassments that stay with you.
• Deep wounds that have not healed.
  ​

The basic steps of Lovingkindness are simple. First, you send kindness to yourself by repeating, either out loud or in silence, any version of this phrase for approximately five minutes: “May I be happy, may I be well, may I be filled with love and peace.” Next, you visualize friends and family members, saying “May you be happy, may you be well, may you be filled with love and peace.”​
​
Then you send this blessing to distant acquaintances, and then to people who have hurt and angered you. In the final step of this powerful exercise, you extend your love and kindness to everyone in the world—to all cultures, all colors, all religions, and all political groups.
​
​“May all living beings everywhere, on all planes of existence, known and unknown, be happy, be peaceful, be filled with love and peace.”

Have forgiveness in your heart for anything you think you’ve done wrong. Forgive yourself for all the past omissions and commissions. They are long gone. Understand that you were a different person and this one is forgiving that one that you were. Feel that forgiveness filling you and enveloping you with a sense of warmth and ease.
​
Think of your parents. Forgive them for anything you have ever blamed them for. Understand that they too are different now. Let this forgiveness fill them, surround them, knowing in your heart that this is your most wonderful way of togetherness.
​

Think of your nearest and dearest people. Forgive them for anything that you think they have done wrong or are doing wrong at this time. Fill them with your forgiveness. Let them feel that you accept them. Let that forgiveness fill them. Realizing that this is your expression of love.

Now think of your friends. Forgive them for anything you have disliked about them. Let your forgiveness reach out to them so that they can be filled with it, embraced by it.

Think of the people you know, whoever they might be, and forgive them all for whatever it is that you have blamed them for, that you have judged them for, that you have disliked. Let your forgiveness fill their hearts, surround them, envelope them, and be your expression of love for them.

Now think of any special person whom you really need to forgive. Towards whom you still have resentment, rejection, and dislike. Forgive him or her fully. Let this forgiveness come from your heart. Reach out to that person, complete and total.

Think of any one person, any situation, or any group of people whom you are condemning, blaming, or disliking. Forgive them, completely. Let your forgiveness be your expression of unconditional love. They may not do the right things.
​

Have a look again and see whether there’s anyone or anything, anywhere in the world, towards whom you have blame or condemnation. And forgive the people or the person, so that there is no separation in your heart.

We often imagine forgiveness as a single moment of letting go. But in reality, it’s a journey with many ups and downs. It’s about slowly healing the wounds and rebuilding trust, whether it’s with ourselves or others.
​
​If you’re struggling with forgiveness, know that you’re not alone. There are many resources available to help you on your journey. It’s a learnable skill. This work is worthy of the effort it takes.

​

If anything you’ve read here has been resonant, nourishing or of service to you in a meaningful way, please do, share this email series using your special link below. I appreciate your reciprocity.
​
Your unique referral link:

​
In sharing, you contribute to a bigger picture – a world pulsating with well-being and wholeness. We’re grateful for you!